She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
