Jerry, you need to find god
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
