kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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