Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
