i permit you to call me
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
operation have a gay friend backfired
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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