If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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