in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
