I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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