tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Sext me about skeletons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize