Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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