Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
