is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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