You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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