He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
