you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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