I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
