Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
