you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
