i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
