I can tuck mytits in my pants
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
