This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
