there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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