I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
