sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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