WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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