I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
