You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She's the barista slut.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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