so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
