Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
