I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
