I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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