Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
MIDGETS
????
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
