Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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