So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
