Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
