I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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