don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
