you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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