Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
