Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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