The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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