There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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