apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
