I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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