wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
