At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
