If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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