he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
