Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I didn't notice because vodka
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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