New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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