There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
is wine microwaveable?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
