weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
