you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
