There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
