So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I am midnight drunk by noon
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
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Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
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who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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