It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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