So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
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it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
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May the power of my ass compel you!!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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