Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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