My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
