I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
