I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
