Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
