Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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