Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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